Friday, March 17, 2017

SAHM Guilt

I am constantly plagued with guilt - the guilt of not doing anything productive even though I possibly could. However, I have been helping to boost the economy in the little ways that I can. LOL. 

Speaking of spending, I tend to also get angry with myself on spending on so many unnecessary things but sometimes, I really can't help it!

I try to refrain from going out unless deemed "necessary" but then again, it can get super boring staying at home so I prefer hanging out at malls.

Almost every single time I walk into Mothercare or NEXT or Zara baby, it is highly likely that I'll be carrying a shopping bag out and half the time, I'm buying things that can only last for a few months.

I have banned myself from shopping for clothes for Olivia until she turns 2 and it has been hard.
She has more than enough clothes to last the year BUT baby clothes are just TOO CUTE !!!

The irony of Olivia having "too many clothes" is that every time I have to dress her to go out, she is always still in the same clothing all the time and I feel that she has nothing to wear - but that's also probably because she goes out so SO often -_-"

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Olivia is now 14 months old.
I was wondering when will she start walking!

I always thought that she would walk before she turned one but it is not until just recently that she has started taking her baby steps, unassisted.

Although there are moments when I'd rather be working because the taste of financial freedom often tempts, there are so many moments for me to cherish - just spending time with Olivia and seeing her all happy just makes me realise how I shouldn't go chasing after things that I can live without.

I realised that my biggest battle as a SAHM is the "fear of missing out." 

This silly fear is so real in my life today - not just for me personally but I don't want Olivia to miss out on anything as well!

I think that this fear also somewhat stems from kiasu-ness.

Whenever I see other kids having something nice or going to fancy schools, I think that it's only natural for a parent to want to be able to give their kids the same as well, if not more? 

But the problem with this is that, it's never-ending.

Thankfully, somewhere at the back of my brain, my rationality overrides all my whims and fancy longings. 

I go through this cycle almost daily - segregating needs and wants.
I rationalize with myself to keep myself sane.

And I remind myself of the bigger picture of what should really matter in this very short life that we have.

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Brought Olivia to the playground for the first time.
She loves the slide!


The next time these two meet, they're all probably going to be running all over the place!


I remember that when Olivia was a couple of month old, I wanted to get her the Hape Play Cube.

Thankfully, I didn't because she isn't interested in it or to things similar to it.
Maybe she's still too young to appreciate it.


I love bringing Olivia to the pet shop so that she can see animals but the pet shop smells!

She loves bird watching.


Mothercare - probably the store that I most frequented in 2016 and 2017 to-date -_-"


Tried to keep her entertained as I cooked.

Brought her to the children's room @ RLC.

Hawoooo


Car ride - again!


Finger painting fun!


It was a messy affair.

Current mall situation - wanting to walk all the time!

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