Saturday, March 26, 2016

Milk and teats.

I remember how I told some friends that my breastfeeding goal was to feed Baby O for at least 3 months. The reason why I set such a short term goal was because back then, I found breastfeeding to be tiresome and back then, my milk production was below the equilibrium level - could not keep up with the demand.

I thought that 3 months would be considered a blessing but now as I am approaching 3 months (well, in another 2 weeks + time), given that I have gotten used to the hang of breastfeeding, my next goal would be to continue for another 3 more months at least.

I dread to think of how my milk supply could possibly be affected once I undergo surgery. The thought of having to "start all over again" to boost my supply through power pumping. BRRRR. 

I still remember how I pumped every 3 hours in the first month. It was so tiring because I would breastfeed the baby and pump afterwards. Am just glad those days are over.

It DOES get easier over time, thankfully but now tackling my next challenge - bottle feeding . . . 

Before this, Baby O had no problem with the Philips Avent newborn bottle.

The confinement lady used this bottle as well and she was feeding fine with the occasional coughing because she would suck really fast and choke.

However, one day she started choking and coughing more than usual and I found out that one of the teats would drip quite fast when faced downwards without any suction. Asked Mike to buy new teats and he bought 3 months+ teats but the flow is too fast for the baby.

I still had one newborn teat working fine but when I tried to feed her, she would not drink well and sometimes she would keep on crying.

I was pretty frustrated about this and asked Mike to help me to get Dr Brown's bottle instead because it supposedly helps to reduce air. Only thing is that it's just a little more troublesome to clean with the vent.

I personally feel that the teat is much nicer for the baby to suck because it is softer than the Phillips Avent teat and the flow now is just right ! She does not choke or cough anymore.

However, she only drinks one and a half ounce at one go and will drink another half an ounce an hour later -_-"

Now that my mum is away, I have to bottle feed her at least once a day just so that she won't reject the bottle in future.

My next headache to deal with now is . . . the pacifier !!!

She used to spit it out once she's asleep but now I've noticed that it's perpetually in her mouth and she's sucking on it with her eyes closed. Sometimes I will pull it out from her mouth and she'll be okay - still asleep . . . . but shortly after that, once she realises it is missing, she will start fussing.

Attempted to not let her use the pacifier the entire day but my arms were literally breaking from trying to soothe her to sleep. She's already 6 kgs now -_-"

Successfully managed to distract her from thinking about the pacifier for half the day but it was hard, hard work. Tomorrow's going to be another day of trying. Actually, sometimes I question my actions the entire day - why am I even trying?

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Date Night

Thanks to my mum, I will usually get a breather from babysitting/mum duties as she will take care of Baby O on Saturdays. 

I am thankful that I am able to watch movies and eat my meals peacefully with Mike once a week.
I dread to think of the next few weeks though because my mum will be away for 3 weeks !!! 

x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x 

During confinement, I had a WHOLE long list of restaurants that I wanted to eat at and Sushi Hinata was one of them.

We had the omakase set and I remember it being better during the first time around.
That's always the case isn't it?

Maybe my tastebuds were looking for something more exciting as I remember eating almost the exact same stuff two years ago. IF I can recall, the first time I went to Sushi Hinata was for our anniversary.

For my next date night meal, I want to eat a piece of good steak.

Saturday, March 19, 2016


Things have been pretty smooth in the past week.

Olivia has been sleeping for longer periods (4-5 hours) and I have been able to get more rest.
She rarely cries as much nowadays except when she is hungry or has a wet diaper or hiccups!

However, she seems to be rejecting bottle feeds.
She will only drink half an ounce and will start pushing the teat out.
Prior to this, she had no issue gulping down 3 ounces of milk from the bottle in one go.

When one problem seems to go away, another one crops up.

I reckon that she is just too comfortable breastfeeding while lying down and that she's just too lazy to suck from the bottle teat while positioned in an upright position.
But it's just my theory.

I am just so lazy to pump these days but I know that I'll have to try to bottle feed her during the day instead of latching her during feeds so that I can "condition" her. . . if not, it is going to be hard for others to babysit her if she does not drink from the bottle and it will also be tough for ME! -_-"

I have also finally managed to get Olivia her passport ! YAY!

Looking forward to bringing her on her first trip that she will not even remember - only her parents will. Haha. I already bought her a baby float to use - but I probably can only use it when she is around 4 months old. KIASU much? :D

Anyway, the excitement of planning a trip became somewhat short-lived for me after going for a scan with my gynae.

I went for a pap smear today (my first time) and during the routine check up on my uterus and ovaries, there was a dermoid cyst near my left ovary. The dermoid cyst had hair in it. Sounds gross, I know.

But I've heard of this cyst before so I was not surprised when my gynae told me that it may also contain teeth, bones, etc. I remember stumbling across an article on this cyst on Daily Mail. LOL.

At this point in time, I am just thankful that the cyst is not cancerous. . . .
but it's such a BURDEN - having to go for surgery which will be like a C-section surgery!!!!

I was told that the surgery would last 30 minutes and that I'd have to stay in the hospital for 3 days after surgery and it will take 2 weeks for healing and NO travelling for one month. I am still deciding on when I should check in for surgery - was told that there is no rush but I have to try to do it within the next few months if possible to get over and done with it. Also, the longer the wait, if the cyst keeps getting bigger, it could affect my ovary.

My doctor told me that if I had delivered via C-section, they would usually remove this cyst during surgery as well but when I delivered, there was no cyst detected then which means that it has grown over the past 2 months. It's around 4+ cm now. SIGH.

Mentally, it does feel as though I will be giving birth AGAIN. ARGH. And I really dread to think of staying in the hospital. I still remember how miserable I felt.

And to think that I was already thinking on what would be the ideal timing to have a second child, and this happens zzzz.

When I asked my doctor how much will the surgery cost, she told me that it will range from RM15-18k. This is way more expensive than my labour cost earlier this year. This is why insurance is so important! BUT what is more important is to also read the insurance fine prints to know whether you are covered. Not sure whether I am covered yet.

I was telling my gynae whether she could conduct liposuction at the same time (as a joke) but Mike took it seriously and scolded me in the clinic.

Seriously, the older we become, the more problems seem to crop up hence it is so important to never take things for granted. Routine health and body check ups are so important.

Monday, March 14, 2016

Motherhood experiences.

This whole motherhood experience sure has been one emotional rollercoaster ride for me.

Some say that it's the hormonal changes that is driving me crazy but I don't think that is the case for me. 

While I was pregnant, one of my biggest fears was postnatal depression. I used to have a tendency to fall into a pit of desolate thoughts and was afraid that I might suffer the same stupid thoughts. 

Thankfully, so far, I have not been depressed about any of the changes that have taken place in my life thanks to the babysitting support I have from my family members. 

I have been driven to extreme moments frustration over the past 2 months and constant feelings of guilt and worry. However, the sheer delight and happiness that Olivia brings into our lives makes every other feeling pale in comparison. 

Thought that I'd just like to document my experiences so far (some expected but most I did not anticipate) :

1. Looking back at Olivia's piercing cries that takes place almost the same time every other day, I reckon that she was suffering from colic. The more I read up on colic and experiences of other parents, the more convinced I am that she was suffering from it. She only developed this after she turned one month old.

The crying took place almost every other day and initially, the only way I could console her was to let her latch. However, one day, that did not work at all (she did not want to latch) and she just cried and cried her lungs out. 

Colic is a NIGHTMARE to deal with. It makes you feel helpless and not only that, I have lost my patience so many times during her bouts of crying. 

I have stormed out of the room leaving her to cry all by herself. I was so angry at her (even though it's not her fault at all) and after each colic storm has passed, I'd feel all guilty for leaving her to cry by herself. Sometimes, I'd even raise my voice at her while asking her "WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!?!"

I'd even shut the door so that her cries would be slightly muted and less painful to my ears. I need a time out for myself when she cries.

Basically, colic to me is like BABY PMS !!! You just have to accept that the baby has his/her unexplainable moments of erratic mood swings and that there is little that you can do to deal with it.

However, the good news about colic is that IT GOES AWAY ! I do not want to speak too soon but I have noted that she has stopped crying as such over the past few days and things have gotten so much easier for me now. 

2. I had to cut out dairy from my diet because I suspect that it is causing Olivia to be gassy and fussy. Also, her cheeks were developing rashes (a sign of allergy) and what made me most concerned was that she did not poo for 11 days. Read up that babies cannot fully digest cow's milk.

Olivia's paed was not concerned that she did not poo for 11 days. She used to poo everyday until she turned one month old. He asked me whether she was exclusively breastfed and whether she was drinking well, which she is and was. He told me that breastfed babies may not poo as regularly because the milk is so well digested by the baby and although 11 days was long, he has seen some babies go up to 3 weeks without pooping.

Thankfully, she pooped on the 12th and 13th day - a massive amount on the 13th day! And her poop is still soft - she was not constipated.

Since I have stopped drinking milk and yoghurt on a daily basis, I personally feel that there is an improvement in her bowel habits. Now she goes once every 5 days. 

Oh, my phone is also now filled with pictures of her poo (just in case I need to show it to the paed). #mumlife

3. The breastmilk vs formula milk battle is real. Family members have varying opinions on this and you have to be prepared to "listen" to some of them expressing their opinions on why you should mix feed formula milk. I have nothing against formula milk if I have to give it out of necessity but I have an issue when I have enough of milk but yet am still asked to give formula milk. 

Also, be prepared to listen to your "elders" asking you to feed the baby water too, which btw, should be avoided if the baby is less than 6 months old. 

4. I didn't expect serious backlash from certain family members when I mentioned that I was planning a holiday with Olivia. "You should not travel by air until she is at least one year old. She is too young...etc". Well, if you don't mind babysitting, I will take your advice into consideration :)

Travelling with the baby is an issue to others but not to me, but travelling without the baby is now a problem. My friend told me that she has never managed to travel anywhere without her baby because she is unable to find anyone reliable to take care of her baby for a long period. SIGH OH SIGH.

5. Being a SAHM is way more tiring than having an office job because work never ends at home!!!  I am thankful to have a helper now because without her, I would not have home cooked lunch and dinner on the table. She also used to help me to bathe Olivia but I have started to bathe Olivia myself because it is such a joy to see her all happy and cheery while being bathed.

At this point in time, I really cannot imagine juggling time between the baby and housework. I really admire those who can manage both.

x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x 

I realised that my posts have been SO WORDY this year.
Getting more long winded and aunty already - #motherhood? HAHAHA.

My baby girl - 2 months old

"Stop putting soft toys on me! Stop being annoying!"

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Baby's full moon

During my confinement period, it wasn't until 2 weeks before Olivia's full moon when I started to get down to planning it because family members were asking about it.

Planning a baby's full moon is like planning another wedding altogether (or at least that was how it felt like for me) - especially when deciding who to invite. I could not invite many people due to the hall capacity and also more than half of the guest list were family members.

I was stressed out over the planning with everything being on my plate to organise and manage while I was still struggling with motherhood. 

Would have been easy if I were to spend money to outsource the work but I felt that the dessert table packages were not worth the money at all.

Hence, I opted to DIY the dessert table. 

Picked a sheep/lamb theme as Olivia is actually born in the year of the sheep. My sister helped me to get the balloons and the doughnuts. I sourced the cake and cupcakes.

Hello there baby girl :)

Almost everybody says that Olivia looks like Mike.

Four generations

Who iz this woman who keeps using me as a photo prop?

My hot nanny carrying Olivia. HEHE. Kidding about Ying being the nanny :)

Thanks to my sis for being the photographer of the day, once again.

AND ONCE AGAIN, Mike and I forgot to take a picture together (with just the two of us) with our baby on her full moon -_-"