Once again, February just came and went !
I wanted to blog many, many times in the past week
to document my current motherhood experiences and memories
but the past 2 weeks have been challenging.
Alot of adjustments had to be made as the confinement lady had left.
Brought over my mother's domestic helper to my house to help me out.
Before this, I thought I could be a hero and take care of the baby alone in the house . . .
but I was SO wrong.
I just didn't know how much laundry had to be done in a day.
The number of napkins, hankies, towels, mittens and baby clothes used in a day . . .
is just crazy (especially when you have a baby that spits up alot).
With my hands tied down with the baby,
I literally cannot do ANYTHING else at all unless the baby is napping. . .
but given the unpredictable nature of her naps,
I am unable to get anything done without rushing through it.
These days, my prayers revolve around "Pleaseeeee don't wake up!"
whenever I'm in the shower,
or having breakfast downstairs
or attempting to cook a meal for myself
or whenever I'm trying to get some sleep the moment she sleeps as well.
There are days when I get so extremely frustrated to a point that I just have the urge to send her to a nanny or daycare and just head back to work so that I do not have to deal with the mental stress at home.
I used to think that she had colic because of her cries.
Would read up furiously on the dreaded colic but although she does have some colicky symptoms, her crying doesn't last for hours although it does seem like it when she cries.
Her loud piercing cries will usually last for about 10 minutes - and that already seems like eternity.
Also, I used to get extremely frustrated whenever she would wake up every HALF AN HOUR
to feed or CRY every time her eyes would open once she woke up.
However, it was not until recently that it came to my mind that she was not actually hungry every
time I gave her the boob. Sometimes, she would just want to soothe herself by sucking but unfortunately, with sucking from the breast, she has no choice but to gulp down milk as well.
And because of this, it led to another problem - a WHOLE LOAD of spit up every other day.
I used to also think that she had a bad case of reflex but it turns out that she was just too full of milk
hence she would spit up a lot of milk curds all over the clothes and on the bed and sometimes, on me . . . throughout the day.
It was an extremely messy affair and it was driving me nuts.
It was also taxing to see her in so much discomfort and I would wonder whether I was doing something wrong as she would keep getting up every half an hour crying in distress.
I would spend a lot of time just burping her the ENTIRE day.
Imagine an average of 8 feedings a day with each feed lasting half an hour each.
I spend 4 hours a day feeding her.
And after that, I would spend half an hour burping her after each feed or holding her up to avoid her being uncomfortable with her bad reflux.
I was dead tired taking care of her and thought of her as a "difficult baby".
However, my biggest problem was actually in the way I misread her cries that made her "difficult."
Because I used to inadvertently feed her whenever she wanted to just soothe herself by sucking, she would drink a lot and become gassy and uncomfortable. Doesn't help that my milk flow is really fast and she would choke every time she drank.
Also, whenever she cried, I would just give her the boob AGAIN to keep her quiet but actually, what she really needed was for me to burp her.
I was battling with myself on whether to give her the pacifier or not once I figured out the problem.
In the end, I gave in and gave her the pacifier and since then, life has gotten a whole lot better for me!
Also, I found out that almost all of our friends gave their baby the pacifier too so I didn't feel like a "failure". No idea where I even got this mentality from.
Funnily enough, I bumped into a friend who told me that he regretted not giving his baby the pacifier because now that his son is around 1 year +, nothing else will soothe his son, but the mother's boob. He doesn't have any other alternatives.
Since I gave her the pacifier, her spit up has gotten much lesser now. She would just suck on the pacifier for a couple of minutes before dozing off or calming herself down and she would release it out of her mouth shortly.
However, to note, before passing her the pacifier, I will still try other methods to soothe her (rocking her, patting her, talking to her, etc) but if it doesn't work - the pacifier will be given.
Sometimes, I find myself stressing myself out with so many DOs and DONTs in parenting that it drives me nuts. Having in laws and family members with their own parenting school of thoughts and asking me to do this do that - don't do this don't do that. Drives me nuts.
Don't use the sarong vs Let her sleep in the sarong
Don't carry her vs Carry her
Don't let her sleep on the bed . . .
At the end of the day, I have decided that as long as I have my sanity and that I have consciously decided knowing the cons, I will live with no regrets (hopefully).